The Marianas Trench that Keeps Me Stuck
"How good can you stand it?" --Gary John Bishop
I have no idea. I want a lot of things: financial success that has always seemed to elude me, an academic home, a business that allows me to take my academic and spiritual work to the public sphere... But am I willing to take those risks? be that uncomfortable? be unfettered by the expectations and assumptions that I have taken into myself on such a deep level that I don't even see them?! Even though I've done a fair of amount of therapy, and self-help, and spiritual practice, and...and...and...there is STILL b.s. down there that is keeping me fettered. I feel like Prometheus in many ways: chained and tormented. BUT, I know that I am also Zeus, sending the eagle: I am my own tormentor. The kicker is that I'm also Heracles: my savior...if I can just figure out how to get my head into that role.
I've been quite successful on some areas: education, relationships, cooking, creativity, etc. But my journey is stuck nonetheless. I'm always struggling financially. My anxiety is sometimes crippling. My will and discipline falter when I get close to the sun and ocean spray (usually courtesy of FaceBook, my current drug of choice) pulls me back into the ocean, into its depths of sadness and stuckness. Unlike Icarus, whose wings were made with wax, my wings are made with modern epoxy and I am capable of flying quite high, but I don't..and I revert back to my Promethean self: powerful but stuck. Bloody Hell!